Why It Is Not "OK" for LDS Members to be Vague in their Opinions Toward Gay Marriage

In a recent interview with KUTV News, Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the Council of the Twelve Apostles stated "that Mormons who support gay marriage are not in danger of losing their temple privileges or church memberships." He goes on to say that church members are free to hold their own personal opinions and will only be in trouble for attacking the church and trying to draw others away, or supporting organizations which attack the church or attempt to sway church members away from their beliefs. However, articles which quote the initial interview can be misleading. One article in the Huffington Post reads, "Mormons are free to back gay marriage on social media," which then translated in many articles and Facebook posts that Elder D. Todd Christofferson said it was "OK to support gay marriage on social media." 

It's easy to play the game of Telephone on social media--details get lost all the time. But I went back and watched the original interview so I could not only hear his original words, but also hear his voice inflection and see his facial expressions. 

The interview was about the SBO296 anti-discrimination law passed in Utah. This law was set up to protect the rights of those who want to practice gay marriage as well as those businesses and organizations that are opposed. It's clear that he and other church leaders are very excited about this law. They're excited, I believe, because it affirms the 11th article of faith which states, "We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where or what they may." They are truly excited that the LGTB community now has equal rights, but they are also rejoicing because, due to this law, the rights of the Church are not being inflicted upon. 

However, being excited about the law, and having love and respect toward the LGTB community, did not change his position that doctrinally, gay marriage is contrary to the Plan of Salvation and the commandments of God. The Family: A Proclamation to the World states, "We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unity of society." From the opinions that I've read so far from LDS members, we seem to come across as condescending toward or supportive of gay marriage. Many of the opinions I've read have been wishy-washy, probably because members want to stand up for their beliefs without being condescending, which can be challenging. I believe the trick lies in focusing on what you believe to be right vs. what you believe to be wrong. 

In other words, I feel it is the responsibility of members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints NOT to bash on gay marriage, but to uphold and voice God's standard of what we believe to be right and true. Do you see the difference?

I am not very knowledgeable about homosexuality in general and I have some, but not a lot, of homosexual friends. So my views are limited. However, I am extremely knowledgeable about the gospel and the Plan of Salvation. So I can safely say the following: 

That I believe gender is an eternal characteristic, existing as part of us before we were born and will continue with us into the eternities. I believe that the purpose of this life is to give us the opportunity to gain immortality and eternal life. This requires a physical body and also knowledge about how to return to our Heavenly Father--thus God established the family. Marriage between man and woman is divinely designed to provide bodies for those spirits waiting to come to earth, and teaching and learning opportunities about essential gospel truths. 

The Family: A Proclamation to the World also states that "Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity." Because gender is eternal, and not a "luck of the draw" when we come to earth, each gender has innate qualities essential to the learning and growth of children. (There are single parent exceptions, but that is a whole 'nother blog post...) Gay marriage is seen as an offense toward God because it inhibits His eternal purpose. 

I am happy that homosexuals now have equal rights. However, I do stand firm and open about my beliefs: that marriage between a man and a woman is divinely appointed by God. 

Does the legalization of gay marriage worry me for the future of my children and their testimonies? 
Not in the least. I am glad that they will grow up respecting those who are different from them, and loving those who don't believe as they do. My parents never taught me that the reason drugs were bad were because they were illegal, neither would I have ever taught my daughter that gay marriage was wrong because it was illegal. I will teach her what's right, and what's true and the reasons behind it all. And hopefully she will feel the love and spirit enough in our home to be able to combat the confusing tidal wave of opinions she will face out in the world and online. 

I will not add to her confusion by being wishy-washy with my opinion or testimony, neither do I think we should be wishy-washy on facebook or social media. 

Dear Baby Monibidor...

Today I watched my belly as you kicked and punched me from the inside. This is the first time I've really seen my stomach move because of you hitting me. Daddy just started school and now I'm in less of a hurry to get home from work, because I know he won't be home when I get there. So I sat staring at my belly move for a long time and loving you and wondering what the future holds for our little family.

You at 20 weeks

The world you're coming in to is a rapidly changing one. Not only is it changing because of advancements in technology, but also in moral standards. One thing I see on a daily basis is young peoples' dislike for learning. I'm a middle school and high school teacher, so I try daily to inspire 13-15 year old people to love reading, and English, and discovering. Some of them do, but others flat out refuse to learn. They are lazy and crave to satisfy this laziness by drinking alcohol, getting high, and playing mindless video games. Many leave no time or effort for reading and thinking.

I think of the place where you just came from and wonder what it must be like: in the very presence of our Heavenly Father and the excitement of this life's purpose strong and fresh in your heart. I feel that you are special and I imagine that you were very excited to come to earth. Probably excited to take on the challenges of earth life, and continue to battle for your agency here as you have done there.

Part of that battle of agency must include learning. Christ declares in Doctrine and Covenants 88:79-80 that we are to learn of things both in heaven and in earth "that [we] may be prepared in all things when [He] shall send [us] again to magnify the calling whereunto [He] has called [us] and the mission with which [He has] commissioned [us]." The more we learn about God and this earth, the more able we are to serve Him. It's like a warrior who has trained long and hard for battle--he will fare better than the warrior who procrastinated his training.

I hope you love to learn, my dear. I hope you enjoy the reading of good books that make you think and consider your complex human experience. I hope you delight in the scriptures to discover your true identity as a daughter of God. I hope you are able to think and to reason and to work hard and think of others' needs as you think of your own. I hope you feel free to exercise your god-given creativity, that you can express yourself and find joy in expanding your unique talents.

I will do all that I can to teach you these things and to create an environment where you can flourish. Daddy and I are so excited to meet you and so grateful that our Heavenly Father is letting us care for one of His precious daughters. The world is changing rapidly, but we have the ability to resist this change. Through God's grace we can maintain purity, intellect, character, and spiritual sensitivity. One day you will understand all this, but more importantly, I hope you know more than anything that Daddy and I love you! We are working hard to create a home where you will feel God's love and where you will find peace and purpose!

We aren't perfect, and neither will you be! But we have each other. And we will love each other in spite of, and even because of, our imperfections.

Until later, sweet baby girl :)
Love, Momma

Don't Mess With Agency!

-Choice and Accountability #3-

Agency, or the ability to choose, is one of God's greatest gifts to His children. Read about agency in Joshua 24:15; 2 Nephi 2; and Doctrine and Covenants 82:2-10. With a parent or leader, discuss the blessings and responsibilities of agency. Record in your journal your understanding of agency and the consequences of choices and actions.

       I have always loved the topic of agency, probably because I love to choose for myself! I'm very independent and hate it when others even hint at forcing me or guilt-tripping me into choosing something. Let me guess? You're probably the same way! There's a reason for that, and the scriptures explain why.

       The interesting this is, even though I fight so hard to choose for myself, there are times I still find myself trying to control others. Why do I do this? I don't think I am the only one. I think it stems from a lack of understanding about what agency really is. The more we study and understand it, the more we are able to apply it to ourselves AND to how we treat others. Below are the findings of a study I've been doing on agency, I hope you find in them something that ignites your curiosity and begins you on your own journey to learn about agency.

What is agency?
The ability to act and choose for ourselves. This is a gift from God.

• 2 Nephi 2:16 The Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself.

Really, it's only because of the atonement that we even have repentance and salvation as options.

• 2 Nephi 2:26 And the Messiah cometh in the fullness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever.

Thank goodness for that atonement! We would all be forced to choose Satan if it weren't for that.

Why is agency so important?
         We read in Ezekial 18:27 that "when the wicked man turneth away from his wickedness that he hath committed and doeth that which is lawful and right, he shall save his soul alive."
Our very salvation is based upon choice. Have you ever wondered why "it is impossible for a man to be saved in ignorance"? Well, you can't CHOOSE to follow a path that you are ignorant, or unaware of.

         Before we came to this earth, Satan tried to take away our agency. (Moses 4:3 "Satan...sought to destroy the agency of man, which I, the Lord God, had given him.") He was planning to force all men to choose righteously! Now what's so bad about that? Everyone would make it back to heaven because we would all choose good!

        But wait...nobody would choose anything. "Man could NOT act for himself save it should be that he was enticed by the one or the other" (2 Nephi 2:16). Without opposites, there is nothing to choose from.

        The very essence of Godhood is the ability to think, decide, then act. The very foundation of love is based upon choice. My husband loves and stays with me because he has made a choice to do so, and isn't that much more romantic than if I were to chain him up and force him to stay? :)

God cast Satan out of Heaven

How do we react when we feel others would take away our agency?
       Well we know how God reacted. He cast Satan out of his presence because he was threatening the very essence of God's plan. The Plan of Salvation would not exist without agency.

       The whole war in heaven that we talk about was based upon agency. Those who chose Christ wanted to keep and protect their agency. They are also all those who have ever been and will be born on this earth. We learn in Revelation 12: 7 that "Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels." We were likely among the angels of Michael.

       We fought to protect our agency. And since Satan and his angels were cast out of heaven to this earth, the war continues here. Even though we have a veil of forgetfulness, I think we continue to protect our agency because part of us remembers how hard we fought before we came here.

       The sad thing is, if somebody tries to force us to do good, we usually choose the only thing we feel we have a choice over--the opposite of what is being forced. That is why it is SO dangerous to "invite" somebody to do good to the point where they feel you are forcing them. There is no more sure way to drive somebody away.

What's the proper way to "invite" rather than force?
       Jesus Christ, of course, is the perfect example of how to do this. The natural man is always trying to force people to act a certain way, even with the best of intentions. But if you look closely at Christ's example, you'll notice he does not guilt-trip us. Neither do many of his prophets.

       My favorite example is when Christ is talking to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, explaining why they should not eat of the fruit of knowledge of good and evil. He says,
         "But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it, nevertheless, thou mayest choose for thyself, for it is given unto the; but, remember that I forbid it, for in the day thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die" (Moses 3:17).

1. So first of all, he makes the instruction, or his hope, clear. Do not eat of that fruit.
2. Then he reminds them that they have a choice whether or not to obey him.
3. Then he explains the reason WHY. Here he explains the consequences of that action. 
4. He leaves. He gives them space. He allows them to exercise their agency and doesn't "hover."

       I think sometimes we get annoyed when people (especially children) ask "why?" too often. We just want them to do it and stop asking! But we know that man cannot be saved in ignorance. Why? Because he must know the reasons behind things in order to make well thought out decisions. The fact that you or your child is always asking "why?" is evidence of your diving nature as a child of God. No other creature on earth asks this question.

The family is the best place for children to learn to choose for themselves.

How are commandments different from being "forced" to choose a certain way?
       I think sometimes we see commandments as rules that are so strict, they feel like a way to force us back to heaven. Perhaps that idea has come from imperfect parents or teachers trying to enforce rules in the home or at church. It is our natural instinct that tempts us to control others.

       However, in Doctrine and Covenants 82:8-9, Christ gives a very clear definition of what a commandment is. He says,
"I give unto you a new commandment, that you may understand my will concerning you; Or, in other words, I give unto you directions how you may act before me, that it may turn to you for your salvation."

       So a commandment from God can also be called directions how we may act before him, in order to receive salvation. Curious. He's only giving us a road map back to him. He hopes we will choose him, but He knows, better than anyone, that forced love is not love at all.