No Chastening Seemeth to Be Joyous

I've realized that working on my personal progress is more than checking off tasks in the inspired booklets provided by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Even though I haven't had time to work on it, I have realized that I am still progressing every day. Those are sometimes the moments when the most progress happens--when we're not expecting it. And it's even more potent when it's something we've failed in.

Today was one of the more difficult days in my student teaching. I was feeling overwhelmed and disillusioned. I guess you could say I gave up today. I didn't put in my best effort. Afterward I was reprimanded by my mentor teacher and all my frustrations came bubbling out--in tears.

He stayed after school and talked to me, or rather let me talk, and he shared a few things with me about what made teaching worth it for him. It was a large stack of notes from students. I questioned him about whether or not he thought the difference he was making in his students lives was really significant. He told me: Nobody can answer that question. But I have to believe that I can make a difference, otherwise it's not worth it to keep moving forward.

Then I created the metaphor of the puzzle. I said: each person is like a million-piece puzzle, and as a teacher you are one minor little piece!

Then my teacher, in his usual, optimistic manner, said: But if you are the bud of a rose or a ray of light, that little piece is significant.

I immediately thought of my Little Mermaid puzzle from my childhood and remembered the time I lost the puzzle piece with her eye on it. I told my teacher about it and said: If you're the eye puzzle piece and you're missing, they'll get rid of the whole puzzle. "But," I said, "I don't feel like I would be the eye puzzle piece. I feel like parents would be the eye piece."

"No way," he responded, "I've got a feeling that parents add more than one piece to the puzzle. They're the edge pieces."

"That's true. Because the edge pieces are the first things you do in a puzzle. Well, if you're smart."

With that I began laughing and he felt like he could leave me. Then I went home to my husband where I cried some more. I really want to be the eye puzzle piece in the puzzle--but how many eye pieces can there be in a puzzle? After discussing my failures I pulled out my scriptures and opened to Hebrews in the Bible, which reads:

Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous. Nevertheless, afterwards it yieldeth the peaceable fruits of righteousness unto those which are exercised thereby.

(Hebrews 12:11)

I felt strangely calm. My normal reaction would to lose all hope and fall into a fit of depression, but I didn't. Not to say that I will react with the same calmness next time, but this time was a success. This time shows progress--toward a life-long pursuit.

Now, I'm not sharing this because I want praise, and I'm not sharing it to vent. I share it because of the principle I learned. Failures are just part of the progress toward eternal life. We are all trying to progress toward becoming like Jesus Christ, which we do with His help. Failures not only will happen, but failures MUST happen. We can see chastening as an opportunity; opportunity for growth and perspective.

I feel bad for what happened, and I have a lot of work to do! But I have not lost the hope to keep trying. I perceive there will come a day when the second part of Hebrews 12:11 is true in my life. I will have a day where I realize that the peaceable fruits of righteousness have been yielded unto me. I'm not talking about after this life either. I mean one normal day, maybe some time a year from now, in the spring. I'll have a student tell me how I've made a difference and I'll think back on this day, and how it made that day possible.

Re-focusing on Christ

If you use Facebook or any type of social media you've likely heard the name Kate Kelly appear in vehement discussions about whether or not the church is still true, and other extreme comments and claims. I thought about writing my views on the subject, but then I decided I was a little bit tired of all this. And I came to the conclusion that all these discussions will only ever go in circles if we have taken our focus off the most important belief in the Church--that this is Christ's church, that He came and lived a perfect life, taught pure doctrine, and suffered and died for us.

Do we really believe that?

If we do, do we believe in Christ or do we actually believe Christ? Do we believe that he existed, or do we believe that His message of hope, peace, freedom, and power apply to us today?

Or maybe the more appropriate question is--do we know His message well enough to believe it?

I've seen many read the Book of Mormon just long enough to gain a testimony of it, and then set it aside believing that is enough. Many of us know the stories in the scriptures, especially those who have grown up in the church, or any church. But it's not enough to know the stories.

Flannery O'Conner, author of A Good Man is Hard to Find, said, "A story is a way to say something that can't be said any other way, and it takes every word in the story to say what the meaning is....When anybody asks what a story is about, the only proper thing is to tell him to read the story."

Similarly, my college professor always used to say, "the words themselves are the meaning."

There is a power in Christ's words that cannot be paraphrased. In the Book of Mormon, King Benjamin gathers his sons around his deathbed to share his last testimony with them before passing away. He testifies to them of the importance of the brass plates--or the scriptures.

He tells them, "I say unto you, my sons, were it not for these things, which have been kept and preserved by the hand of God, that we might read and understand of his mysteries, and have his commandments always before our eyes, that even our fathers would have dwindled in unbelief, and we should have been like unto our brethren, the Lamanites, who know nothing concerning these things, or even do not believe them when they are taught them, because of the traditions of their fathers, which are not correct" (Mosiah 1:5 emphasis added).

The only difference between the righteous Nephites and the wicked Lamanites was that the Nephites had the scriptures always before their eyes, and the Lamanites did not. If not for that, they would have been the same. We see many Lamanites who became converted because of the words of the scriptures, and many Nephites who fell away.

To me, the story that best illustrates the need to know Christ through his words is the story of Lehi and the tree of life.

1 Nephi 8.

We know that the tree is the love of God.
The fruit is exaltation--the greatest gift of God.
The iron rod is the word of God=words given through ancient prophets in the scriptures and modern prophets in General Conference. We need both.
The great and spacious building is the pride of the world.
The fountain of filthy water is the depths of hell.
The mists of darkness are the temptations of the devil.
The forbidden paths are sin.

We know that there were some who didn't hold to the rod at all (didn't read their scriptures at all). They chose sin. Many ended up in the great and spacious building (distracted by the pride of the world) or fell into the fountain of filthy water (found that the holy spirit had withdrawn completely from them, thus being in the depths of hell).

Many held casually to the rod of iron (read their scriptures occasionally or read without purpose). They tasted of the fruit of the tree (felt God's love--exaltation, or returning to God's presence, was within their grasp). But what happened to them?

When speaking of the great and spacious building Lehi says, "And great was the multitude that did enter into that strange building. And after they did enter into that building they did point the finger of scorn at me and those that were partaking of the fruit also; but we heeded them not. These are the words of my father: For as many as heeded them, had fallen away" (1 Nephi 8:33-34).

Every single person that "heeded" those in the great and spacious building fell away. To heed is to pay careful attention. I don't think we should shut ourselves out from things that are going on in the world and keep ourselves ignorant from attacks others are making on the church. But I do think that we need to be careful to make sure that we are first heeding Jesus Christ--that we make mention of His name more frequently, and that we think of Him and ponder His words.

Think about it: it was the Word of God that led to the love of Christ. If you want to get close to Christ, that's how you do it. Other primary answers such as prayer, obedience, Sabbath day observance--are all taught in the scriptures and will come naturally to those who search them daily. Every other principle and ordinance that we dispute and discuss publicly on Facebook is clearly stated there.

I'm sharing this not because I think I'm great at it, but because I can feel my own testimony weaken when I don't read my scriptures daily. I can feel my own judgment blur when His words aren't fresh in my mind. It really is like food for our souls. Our bodies cannot go very long without complaining of hunger. Why would our spirits be any different?

So many of the questions or discussions we read on Facebook/twitter/instagram/snapchat would be more profound and meaningful if we treasured up the words of Christ continually.

I was in a choir a few semesters ago, and we recorded Janice Kapp Perry's "I Testify of Jesus Christ." I created this slide show to go with it. Listen for my voice in the opening trio :) If you know me, that is :)

I leave this song as my testimony--I mean every word of it.

Or if that doesn't work, follow this link to youtube: I Testify of Jesus Christ